Ricky Gervais’ best Golden Globe 2016 celebrity jibes

Ricky Gervais
Ricky Gervais at Comedy Central's "Night of Too Many Stars". Photo: cropped from original by djtomdog (used under the Creative Commons licence).

British comedian and actor Ricky Gervais promised to offend Hollywood at the 73rd Golden Globes Annual Award Ceremony he was presenting and he didn’t disappoint.

The Office star mocked Sean Penn, Caitlyn Jenner, Roman Polanski, Jennifer Lawrence, Jeffrey Tambor, Ben Affleck, and many more during the evening and here is a rundown of the bluntly sarcastic four-time host’s funniest and/or most offensive lines from the Beverly Hilton.

Ricky Gervais on the audience and Sean Penn

Shut up you disgusting, pill-popping sexual deviant scum. I want to do this monologue and go into hiding. Not even Sean Penn will find me. Snitch!

You’re global megastars with amazing talent. Most of you. Some of you just married well. You know who are you. We all do.

Ricky Gervais on Caitlyn Jenner

I’m going to be nice tonight. I’ve changed — not as much as Bruce Jenner. Obviously. Now Caitlyn Jenner, of course. What a year she’s had! She became a role model for trans-people everywhere, showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes. She didn’t do a lot for women drivers. But you can’t have everything, can ya? Not at the same time.

Ricky Gervais on the Spotlight nomination

The excellent Spotlight has been nominated. Yeah. The Catholic Church are furious about the film as it it exposes that 5 percent of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and been allowed to continue to work without punishment. Roman Polanski called it ‘the best date movie ever.’

Ricky Gervais on gender pay gap disparity

Jennifer Lawrence made the news when she demanded equal pay for women in Hollywood. She received overwhelming support from people everywhere. There were marches on the street with nurses and factory workers saying: ‘How the hell can a 25-year-old live on $52 million?!’

Of course women should be paid the same as men for doing the same job. And I’d like to say now, I’m being paid exactly the same as [what Tina Fey and Amy Poehler] did last year. No, I know there were two of them, but it’s not my fault if they want to share the money, is it? That’s their stupid fault. It’s funny because it’s true.

All-female remakes are the big thing. There’s a female remake of Ghostbusters. There’s going to be a female remake of Oceans 11. And this is brilliant for the studios because they get guaranteed box office results and they don’t have to spend too much money on the cast.

Ricky Gervais on his three personal Golden Globes

I won three Golden Globes myself … one I keep by the bed to — it doesn’t matter why, it’s mine. I won it fair and square. It’s just the right shape and size, it’s nothing… yeah. To be clear: That was a joke about me shoving Golden Globes that I’ve won up my a**.

Ricky Gervais introducing Matt Damon

It’s the star of the hilarious comedy The Martian. He is also the only person that Ben Affleck hasn’t been unfaithful to.

The Hollywood Foreign Press deemed The Martian a comedy and even nominated it. And hence, Matt Damon is here tonight. So that worked a treat, didn’t it? To be fair, The Martian was a lot funnier than Pixels. But then again, so was Schindler’s List.

Ricky Gervais introducing Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Schumer

Joy and Trainwreck. No, not the name of Charlie Sheen’s two favorite hookers…The films of our next two presenters.

They are best friends, by the way, and if you forget, they said they’d tweet you. It’s like they’ve never had a friend before. Please welcome Amy Schumer and Jennifer Lawrence.

Ricky Gervais introducing Eva Longoria and America Ferrera

Eva Longoria and America Ferrera aren’t just beautiful, talented actresses. They’re also two people who your future president Donald Trump can’t wait to deport.

Ricky Gervais introducing Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong

When Brad and Angelina see these next two adorable little presenters, they’re going to want to adopt them. Please welcome Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong.

Ricky Gervais introducing Mel Gibson

I’d rather have a drink with him in his hotel room tonight than with Bill Cosby

Ricky Gervais introducing Eddie Redmayne

Our next presenter is an actress who is both beautiful and talented. Born in England, she came to America and has taken Hollywood by storm. Please welcome the nominated star of The Danish Girl…. it’s a dude… Eddie Redmayne.

Ricky Gervais at the end of the gala

Thank you, I’m afraid that’s it. We’re out of time. From myself and Mel Gibson, shalom.